Weed Wacker Pulling Association
Humor
2000
Take a look at this story that was created by Ethel Williams to include the names
of all the truck and tractor pullers in our organization.
Note: The names of the vehicles in the WWPA are UNDERLINED AND CAPITALIZED. Enjoy!
There once was an old hermit named HOWARD'S HOG who lived deep in the woods. Most of his days were filled with chores caring for his livestock, chopping wood and trapping GROUNDHOG. One day he awoke in PURE FRUSTRATION and knew it was time for BREAKIN' NEW GROUND. Right after breakfast, he jumped in the truck and made a STRAIGHTLINER to the nearest town. Being an OL ALKIE, his first stop was the local bar where he asked the bartender to give him a couple of shots of DAWGS DEMON and then lit up an OL SMOKIE. He felt THE BIG WAVE when a painted lady slid into the chair beside him and his HOOSIER NIGHTMARE soon began. "What brings a WILD THING like you to town, stranger?" she asked? Poor Howard was so "LOST IN THE 60'S he didn't know what to say. "Uh, well, I thought I'd GROCERY GETTER, uh, I mean, get some groceries, relax, and maybe have a little fun while I'm in town. Uh, um.....I'm Howard, what's your name?" She whispered, "Well I'm known as RAT SASS and if you're the GAMBLER you look like, maybe you'd like to get a LIL OLY and BURY 'EM". Well by now Howard was feeling like a GREY GHOST and looked a LIL GREEN so he said, "That'd be great. Maybe that would cure this HEADACHE." Up in her room, he was DRAGGIN DIRT as he reached his DEEP CYCLE and was soon seeing WHITE CLOUD and BLUE THUNDER. Suddenly, her husband, GUMBY, burst into the room, screamed GOTTCHA and grabbed him BY A HAIR. He pounded him, kicked him and flung him out the window but after all, it was just a CREATIVE ILLUSION.
2001
Take a look at this story that was created by the Tebo's to include the names
of some of the trucks and tractor pullers in our organization.
Note: The names of the vehicles in the WWPA are CAPITALIZED. Enjoy!
It
had been weeks of battling and attacks in the rag head territory of
Afganistan. President Bush was on
his last attempt of finding a lean mean team of strong men to dominate the
Taliban. The Marines, Navy and Army
weren’t gaining any ground. The pressure was on to get
back at Bin Laden and his evil doers.
When all hope was gone,
Americas top military adviser turned to the President and said, “President
Bush, we need our Secret Tactic Forces. We
have to call on the WWPA.”
“Who
are they?”, asked the President.
“You
mean you have never heard of the WWPA?”, the adviser asked.
“The
what?”
“The
WE WILL POUND AFGANISTAN Troops.”
Just
then the President remembered. He
immediately called the WWPA Hotline. Now
Afganistan is certain to be doomed. Meanwhile,
back at the official WWPA headquarters, Major Nelson receives a presidential
phone call. “HOLY COW!”, yells
Nelson as he hears the presidents orders. He turned to his men and said, “We will leave for
Afganistan at once!” As the men
loaded up in the HEAVY HAULER, Captain Saberniak ordered LIL’ ALKIE to stay at
his post at headquarters to keep the beer cold.
The WWPA were well on their way to the Far East.
As
the troop traveled this long journey Eastward, they had plenty of time to
reflect on how Bin Laden and evil doers had an impact on everyone’s lives.
Bin Laden with all his money, had even bought Homelite and now they are
SOLID JUNK.
The
troops knew they were getting close because the rough terrain soon turned their
HEAVY HAULER into a DIRT DRAGGER. “We’re
gonna have to use THE GATOR to get to the front!”, said Lt. Lawrence.
So they all squeezed in the tiny ATV and away they went to the front.
The ride was rough, and LIL’ OLY’s gun went off into the air.
“JUST ONCE, I wish you would fix that safety switch.”, barked Major
Marty. “You almost shot a hole in
my flask, I mean canteen.”
Right
through the front line they went, BREAKIN’ NEW GROUND.
“Stop!” yelled Major Marty, “I smell camel shit, 50 feet.
Send in the trained GROUNDHOG to
flush ‘em out.”
Within minutes, Bin Laden’s head popped up right next to private Dozier. “GOTCHA!” Mike calmly said with his gun pointed between Ladens eyes. “Shoot him!” they hollered. “No,” said Private Mathew, “That’s too quick. Let’s dispose of his evil followers now. We’ll take Bin Laden back to the U.S. and feed him to HOWARDS HOG on National TV.
On a victorious ride home, the troops wer over whelmed with victory and sang numberous versus of on to of OL' SMOKIE. The troops were met at the air base by the new MONSTER MASSEY defense system. It took Bin Laden Away.
It
was a celebration of all celebrations. People
cheered as the WWPA got off of the plane. Others
were LIL’ GREEN with envy. Sergeant
Deardurff and Corporal Langlois couldn’t help but to overhear Private
Vanderwall telling his loving wife as she hugged and kissed him,
“It wasn’t DANGEROUS DEERE.”
2002
Take a look at this story that was created by Greg Langlois to include the names of truck and tractor pullers in our organization.
Note: The names of the vehicles in the WWPA are UNDERLINED. Enjoy!
One year ago I was planning my retirement so I had a Creative Illusion to invest in stocks called Dangerous Deere, Cheater and Gotcha. I told my wife it was going to be a Dominator of an investment. As the year went on the stock started to turn Just Damn Ugly. It started to become a headache so I thought about Breakin New Ground. Lil Oly said hang on there's a Green Storm coming and there would be a White Cloud in the horizon. All of a sudden a strike of Blue Thunder came along and I had to invest in Dawgs Demon. But, it turned into another Howards Hog and I had another Heartbreker III on my hands. I got depressed so I turned to Old Alkie realizing I had Solid Junk for stock! So I decided to tell my wife what I did. She got All Fired Up and made a Straightliner to the closet to get the Gunslinger. I thought she was ganna turn me into Ol Smokie but she kicked my Rat Sass and I was Draggin Dirt from then on. But the bottom line is the Orange Blossom Special said Bury Em and make your living as a professional weed wacker!
2004
